Tuesday 11 September 2007

This post is part of the Group Writing Project at Seduction Central http://jeffreykishner.com/astrology/love/


(Tongue Firmly in Cheek!)

Some lighthearted, some bitter experience. You guess which is which :)

I can't claim to have dated men from all astrological signs but I have been close enough to most through friendship and work to be able to hazard a guess as to what a relationship with them might be like.

Aries (Mr Me First, Me First!)

The first sign of the zodiac. The archetypal boy-child. Selfish, yes, but in a childlike way. Why take one sweetie when you can dip your sticky little mitts in the whole jar.... Highly flammable. Not great husband material unless you hardly ever want to see him, he will spend all weekend involved in one risky, pointless and dangerous activity after another and expect YOU to wash and iron his parachute.

Taurus (Mr Fur Coat no Knickers)

Lover of luxury, likes to live well, even if he has to plunder the food money, rent money, your purse to do it. Sign most likely to be a con-man or thief to live the lifestyle they are convinced they are entitled to. Bed good, if you like being ordered about that is and you have a LOT of stamina. If you want to attract Mr Taurus then dress rich and hang around where the rich people go. Appearances matter very much to Mr Taurus, never look crumpled, untidy or dishevelled. His ideal date would be a cross between Grace Kelly and Audrey Hepburn and be rich, rich, rich.

Gemini (Mr. Oh, that was last week. I HATE it now...let me tell you about the time......)

The communicator of the zodiac, talks the hind legs off a donkey. Often calls himself a writer. Like Gump's chocolate box, you never know what you are going to get. Split personality doesn't even cover it. Mercurial they say and we all know that playing with mercury sends you crazy in the end.

Cancer (Mr. Do you still LOVE me?)

Despite a reputation for being cautious, Mr Cancer dwells in the realm of emotions, these are easily aroused. Moody, sulky. Can be a real pain unless loved 100%, 100% of the time Whinger. Cries at touching advertisements for missing kittens but can have a cruel streak. His mum loves her little soldier though, bless.

Leo (Mr Look at ME)

Has to be the centre of attention. Tiring to date, constant admiration is required, ego stroking after sex a complete must. Sunglasses usually required to shield your eyes from their sense of 'style', which, like them, is often very LOUD.

Virgo (Mr. How do I love thee? Let me count the ways, but we should shower first)

Shower before bed, shower during bed, shower after bed. Rips off his clothes (neatly and carefully), then folds them up. Thanks you politely afterwards then gets up to shower and play with his spreadsheets.

Libra (Mr Mirror Mirror on the Wall)

He loves himself so much there isn't much room for anyone else in his mirror. If you do date one then be prepared, he will spend more time plucking his eyebrows and buffing his nails than making love. When he does make love there will be a strategically placed mirror so he can see how wonderful he looks from all angles. Most likely to be spotted posing at the gym, doesn't actually DO anything at the gym, might get sweaty and ruin his hair or get his gym kit rumpled.....

Scorpio (Mr Strong, Silent Type)

Magnetic personality. Distinctive eyes. Will spend whole evenings trying to weasel information out of you but will not spill one iota in return. Make great detectives. Fearful temper. Never forgets a hurt and you will pay for it. Oh yes, you will pay – it might not be today, it might not be next week but he will get you and get you good. Supposed to be the sexiest sign but is it worth the effort? Oh, sorry, I forgot, only HE is allowed to ask the questions.....

Mr Sagittarius (Mr They call me the Wanderer)

A good friend, fun, carefree, always up for a laugh. Unfortunately the sign most likely to be a commitment-phobe. Tell him you love him, tell him that you are thinking how nice it would be to settle down and then eat his dust.......

Mr Capricorn (Mr. To be Honest)

Doesn't do subtle. Doesn't do tactful. Does do open, honest and straightforward. Do you REALLY want that complete honesty ALL the time?..(Does my bum look big in this?)

Mr Aquarius (Mr Strange)

He looks at you but his mind is ten zillion light years away, inventing, dreaming, soaring on flights of fancy. He may invent you some useful household gadgets. He may blow up your kitchen trying to make a rocket. Forgets to think about sex, if you remind him he will drift off halfway through the conversation and be inventing a gadget for it.....

Mr Pisces (Mr. So what if its the first date, I LOVE you)

Tender, dreamy, otherworldly. Likes to keep his options open, which is strange as he often declares love on the first date. Can get terribly disappointed in you if you don't live up to his image. Likes to serve his partner. Sign most likely to want to escape the harshness of real life through drink or drugs. Indecisive so may not be able to decide whether he wants drink or drugs, so will probably do both. Often. Indedcisive, impossible to pin down and will be late for his own funeral.

Happy :D

Monday 10 September 2007

New Year

New school year that is. My youngest started her new college today, she is really excited and enthusiastic about it.

Tonight I was involved in her agonising decision 'what to wear'. Its her first year out of uniform and it matters, a lot. This girl has a room full of clothes but none of them go together (apparently), or make the right statement. I was subjected to a parade of different outfits. The one she chose was very, very, short shorts and a vest top.

Then a terrible thing happened.

I turned into my mother......

Me: 'Do you think that shorts are appropriate for college, Lu?'

Lu: 'Everyone is wearing them'

Me: 'you look like you are going to the beach'

Lu: (prancing about in front of mirror) 'do you think I look too..... leggy?

Me: 'Weeeeel, they are very short Lu'

Lu: 'I HAVE NOTHING TO WEAR!!!!' (please excuse caps but it was the only way to convey the DRAMA of that moment.)

Lu flounces (she does that so beautifully) upstairs to try something else. Then comes back downstairs in an even shorter skirt, then and even shorter pair of shorts, then a belt - er, sorry, skirt.

Me: (sensing defeat) 'well, if the other girls wear shorts then I suppose its ok, maybe with some opaque tights?'

Lu: 'Thats for the winter, its still summer.'

At that moment I realised that I had turned into my mother. I was horrified. I remembered the arguments I would have with my own mum about what I was wearing and remembered what was like to be 17 and realised that in the great scheme of things it didn't really matter if she wore shorts.

I turned to Lu and said 'You are young, you have a great figure and legs, you wear your shorts Lu.'

She then turned to me and said 'Oh, its ok. I have decided to wear something else'.

I have two years of this......

Thursday 6 September 2007

Off Again....

Off for a swim, back Sunday :D

Hope you all have a great weekend.

Off to see what Jo is up to before I go, she has been quiet today.

Wednesday 5 September 2007


Just had a phone convo with Mr Pisces and I was musing about the amount of THINGS there are in shops. Now the shops are complaining we are not buying enough THINGS because of the high interest rates here and the economy is slowing.

The whole of the economy here is service and selling THINGS based it seems, we don't even make the THINGS anymore, they are shipped in from China, or wherever. There was even a panic last christmas because a giant super container ship full of THINGS from China was scuppered somewhere and Christmas itself was threatened. (I did remember wondering how parents would explain that news item to the juniors watching the six o'clock news - yes son, Santa's elves are in China, thats where they make the THINGS for santa, no, son, I know they don't LOOK Chinese in the picture books and films....... ).

We have the season of shopping coming up fast but as I have the time and I think that they show love and thought I am making most of my presents this year. I can't say what they are because some of the recipients may tune in.

Those that know me will know that I rarely buy anything new if I can help it. I use freecycle, ebay, charity shops, car boot sales etc., for most of the THINGS i need (want if I am honest, most of the THINGS I couldn't truthfully say I need). If everyone were like me then the whole economy would crash, no jobs, no shops (except M&S - they will never die, not many people like second hand drawers - except I did hear about some strange men and a dodgy e-bay auction ... er, think I will get off this train of thought at the next station).

So, I suppose all the shoppers out there are helping the nation by their frantic purchase of their loved-ones' gifts and such 'vital' items as olive de-stoners, fifteen foot inflatable santas, disposable toilet cleaning pads, plug in air-fresheners, sink tidies, special christmas toilet paper, etc., not to mention the amount of food that is thrown away over the Christmas period which, according to a survey I read, averages £60 per household (not mine, I make soup out of it if it stands still long enough :D )

I should be ashamed of myself, its people like me who let the country down.

I am going to buy a THING tommorrow, just to do my bit for the economy. Think its got to be the fifteen foot inflatable Chinese Santa......

What a crazy world : D

Tuesday 4 September 2007

Can't believe it....

Its been so long.

Not much has happened. Been spending a fair amount of time with Mr Pisces. He is so busy at work though, not much time for splashing in the rockpools with his crabbess :(

My daughter made the front page of the local newspaper after having achieved a whole bunch of A* results for her exams. Proud mum moment.....

Finally finished all the form filling for my degree course and have been told I can get funding and am all set to start, pencil sharpened. Better get new specs, just broke the arm off my last pair and am finally forced to admit I can't read without them.

Went to the National Portrait Gallery with both daughters, had a lovely time there and we went for lunch to cafe Italia just off leicester square then they dragged me around covent garden for an hour or two. Have told them I will go to London but only to galleries/museums, NO SHOPPING - so they sneaked it in at the end when I was too tired to object (much). Load of expensive tourist tat, including pet stones and names made from wire (Why?)

Just off to roast a squash for dinner, lu wants squash soup and cornbread. Scraped together my last couple of quid to buy the ingredients. That day out in london left me skinter than a skint thing.

Off to catch up with JellyJo's blog, see what the dear gel has been up too.

If any of my regs are still checking in then big hugs to you, if not then I understand entirely.

Love to them that needs it. j xxx